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The story "Of an aching soul"

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From: josdop
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Remote Name: 85.255.120.174
Date: 29 Jan 2008
Time: 17:40:28 -0500

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From: A Muslim
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Remote Name: 205.188.209.82
Date: 03 Mar 2004
Time: 10:59:43 -0500

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The story “Of an aching soul" This is the story of an aching soul. Not aching for any worldly goods. Read on & you will find out for yourself what is really going on here. By reading this you might think this is a true story, well in one way it might be this do happen around us & to many of it might look as "it’s my story" or "it’s our story" but I say it like this, “This is an aching soul’s story”. I am a Muslim Allhamdolillah. I want to call myself as a "born Muslim" but as we know all babies are "born Muslims" so, I would like to say it like this, “I was born to my Muslim parents". But I think this is not enough, to be born in a Muslim family, by this I do not mean that it’s not a blessing of Almighty Allah, of course it is; what I am saying is that if your family is not a practicing it will be or it’s hard for you. Not because you don't want to & not because they don't but the thing is your childhood was or might be "careless". Like they say, oh! s\he is just a baby or just a child let him do this or that...etc from here one can get use to things & then they grow up it’s hard for them to do certin things. Like for example making salat, as we know one should start from age 7 & must not miss after the age of 10 but do many of us do this? Hardly--Maybe ½ % in 100 % might. And we call ourselves BORN MUSLIMS. Take fasting, too. When should one start to fast? At what age? When s\he is able to bear hunger, right? So, we should tell our kids to start at age 10 to start practicing. Because at this age they start to have some control over things, get them started with once or twice a week. But the question is, do we? I don't think so-- Practicing Islam is very easy. I figured out now. Allhamdolillah. But starter is a little hard. But the harder things are always at greater reward. So here it so where the story of an aching soul starts! Almighty Allah says in His Holly book "Quran" "Enter in Islam completely" Not just praying & leaving fasting not leaving prayer & fasting in the month of Ramadan, not giving zakat when you should & giving charity...etc. Allah says “enter completely". The first pillar is Shahada, "Laillah illalaho Muhammadur Rasool Allah" There is no god but He (Allah) & Muhammad (sallallaho alaihi wasalm) is His messenger. As being born to Muslim family I was already through this, part. I always believed in One & Only God "Allah". Never had any doubt neither I do now. The 2nd pillar "As-Salat" or praying was not in my practice. If I say I did not knew it was this compulsory! Astonishing! I did pray all five of then in the month of Ramadan, never missed any but after the month of Ramadan was over I hardly cared! (May Allah forgive me) I did make my salat like a few times a year! How great was that--- My ignorance, what else should I call it? The 3rd pillar, "Fasting" yes, I did fast. That’s all I knew about my dean (faith) And I call my self a Muslim. Shame on me. I did not knew why we should separate from men & why men should not look at us, all I thought was it’s our culture or my family is like this. Never till then had I found out why we should do this! Why do we cover? All I think was it’s me who like to I did not knew that it was this important. Again the culture came in & not Islam, why? Well, was it all my ignorance? Perhaps it was-- It was very fair night of an early winter; the sky was clearer then usual that night. I was in my cozy bed as usual. People were making their Salat-ul-Isha & I was resting. Then something happened & I went to take shower. Made ablution after I was done showering & went to make my Slat-ul-Isha!!! My household was watching me as I was an alien from outer space or something. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO DO ALL THIS! My sister told me when the next morning she saw me reading Quran. I knew that she will tack the hold of me in any way she could! So, I kept quite. As Allah says in the Quran: ! But says Allah: "God grants firmness with the firm word to those who have believed, in this world, an (so He will) in the Hereafter." (Ibrahim:27) I started to read books, articles what ever I could find. I went to sisters congregations. I cried. I knew I was a sinner & only I was to blame & no one else. Days flew like air or seemed like that. And once again I started to fall behind. But I did not miss my Salats I fasted but I got nothing but hunger. I prayed but with empty mind thinking all worldly thoughts. I did not own a factory to collect money when praying all was in my mind now I will clean this room then I will go out...etc. But I didn't felt peace. What was it? The devil would take really good hold of me & he won, like always & I spend my time reading novels, watching T.V. playing games on the computer or reading stories or watching latest fashion. What was happening to me I could not figure it out or maybe I did not bother to find out at all? Some how I think Allah loves me more then I think He does. When I talk to Him when I am alone I feel something which I never did realize until now. My soul is aching. It’s hungry, not for love not for worldly lavishness, but for the pleasure of Allah. I want to make Him happy. I want to know He is happy with me. But how do I know? This question of mine was never answered. Now how do I find it when I am not willing to purify my nafas or my soul? How can I achieve something when I am not willing to work? Ya Allah! Please let me pass this test in school tomorrow & I am going to play another game of checkers with my non-Muslim friend! Can this happen? Any dumb person even knows the answer, if you don't work you don't earn, right? Now If I say Ya Allah! Make me achieve this level of Iman & I am going to the movies! Can this happen? NO WAY! So how can my aching soul find peace? Why is it aching any way? Well, as you see it’s not just me it’s our whole world or most of it. We are all aching from inside. Betray by friends or family or worldly love failures we are being call losers...etc what ever you want to call it call it. So how do I or "WE" find peace? The Holy Quran says: "Peace is in Allah's remembrance" As easy as it sound, right? As a matter of fact it is. How? Simple you see this world is never ever happy with you, I can prove it or I don't even have to you all know it already. But pleasing Allah is much easier but it may sound hard. Why? Because we or our nafas if used to harem things so, this is why we think it’s hard for us. We have to purify ourselves but we can not do it alone. We need help & the Only Helper I know is Allah. So I turned to HIM for help. I lingered then I cried like never before. I made promises with all my heart. I left the things which I thought was in the way to get to my Rab. Or which I thought I will never be able to leave & still be alive. I got the hold of good things & I found calm or & peace. How I did that? It was easy in one way & hard in another. But when I look at this ayat from the Holy Quran : If any one does evil or wrongs his own soul but afterwards seeks God's forgiveness, he will find God Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. Surah 4 Verse 110 It was very easy! But I made the decision I HAVE TO & I WILL. So things went smooth. It happened when I was scare. Scare from human being like myself from 'laves of Allah' like myself. Why was I so afraid? I had no idea. I said, Ya Allah! Let me fear nothing but YOU & forgive me, please. & after that I was on my way to recovery. When I feel insecure I think if Allah does not want this to happen it won't & if He wishes to happen then I can't do anything about it & I have hope in Allah for good & fearing at the same time. I find my way to HIM; this is where my aching soul found peace. Nowhere in the world did it. I tried forgetting my surrounding & slept most of my time but I was bothered by light by noise around me even my own family, friends & my inner side. I tried to put myself in physical & musical therapies, did it help? NO, it only made it worse. Sin on a sin I did & after all that when I call upon my Lord, He answered me. He says: "He is the One that accepts repentance from His Servants and forgives sins: and He knows all that ye do. Surah 42 Verse 25 "But, without doubt, I am (also) He that forgives again and again, to those who repent, believe, and do right, who,- in fine, are ready to receive true guidance." Surah 20 Verse 82 Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Surah 39 Verse 53 I know Allah is so Merciful & He will forgive me if I am sincear. Oh! Only Allah knows how sorry I am. I know I will never be good in people's eyes because I was bad once , still am but I am trying. So now my life is change I can focus on my family, I am happy with my husband. Now I am ready to be mothers if Allah wants me to & I will try my best to teach my kids what I learn now before so they will be able to defend themselves from the devil, with the help of Allah. And I know Allah will help them He always helps. Now when I look back even I don't want to, I don't that is what I learnt don't see your past but learn from your mistakes. I learn a lesson I will never forget. I want to work for Islam I want to devote myself to HIM I want to yell & tell the world there is no peace in anything, but in the "remembrance of Allah" & doing what HE wants us to. The government’s laws are easy for us? Then why we follow? Why don't we Crosse the red light? Than why do we cross the limits of Allah? Who is the Highest? The people like us whom we should fear or we should fear HIM alone? The choice is yours to make be the way you are now & try to find peace & calmness in therapies or reading sexual novel or look at haram or talking to or thinking about opposite sex in a way you shouldn't, day dream do what ever you wish & experiment if you should, but I know one day you will regret for all that. But PLEASE don't make this day, the "LAST DAY" even if it’s the last day of your life or the world's. It’s never too late to get back on track & do what you MUST but Think before it’s too late. You might think what will people say? As I did-I was afraid that they will say oh! She was bad or she still is…etc now look what she say to us or what she does now. But I took the step & left all the rest to Allah. Allah's doors of forgiveness are always open, don't wait for the last minute because then the door are close it’s the limit as we have limits in worldly laws. So, my dear brother & sisters in Islam, For Allah's sake & your own, too realize before it’s too late. We can not bare HIS punishments we do not care much, because we did not see with our eyes. Do not think if I do this & stop seeing my friends or not do what they say they will harm me. They can not, just remember this. Ask Allah to help you. And seek strength with the following prayer-words of the Prophet ( Sallaho alahi wa'alai wasalam) : "O Allah! Screen our secrets and grant us peace in place of fear. O Allah! Help us direct our vengeance toward those who wrong us, and help us against those who oppress us. O Allah! Let not our enemies nor those who envy us rejoice over (our failures)." It’s my humble request as I am a sinner, too. I was droning in my own world, too. I was searching for peace, too. I was away from HIM, too. I am a BASHAR, (Human) too. And I am a body & no body is perfect. So have hope & fear of Him & you are on your way. I will end here with this poem & a short story: The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said: "There were two men of Banoo Israa'eel who strove equally. One of then committed sins and the other strove hard in worship. And the one who strove in worship to see the other in sin and kept saying to him: "Desist." So one day he found him committing a sin and so said to him: "Desist" So he replied, "Leave me by my Lord, have you been sent as a watcher over me?". He said, "By Allaah, Allaah will not forgive you, nor will Allaah admit you to Paradise". Then their souls were taken and they came together before the Lord of the Worlds. So Allaah said to the one who strove in worship: "Did you have Knowledge of Me, or did you have any power in what is in my Hands?" And He said to the sinner: "Go and enter Paradise through My Mercy." And He said to the other: "Take him to the fire." Aboo Hurairah said: "By Him in whose Hand is my soul! He spoke a word which destroyed this world and the hereafter for him." [Collected in Sunan Abu Dawood (english trans. vol.3, p.1365, no.4883). See Saheehul-Jaami (4455) by Sheikh al-Albaanee] The reason of telling you this story is that we should not judge anybody but we should not keep on sinning & keeping the ONLY hope that HE might forgive us. We should fear HIM, too & try our best & then have HOPE in HIM. *Poem* Ya Allah I sin night & day I forgot you I forgot myself What happened to me I do not remember All I remember is I have fallen behind I have lost the path The "Straight Path" Please help me to get back To get back on the tracks Ya Allah! I know you have not forgotten me This is why I have these feelings I know you are near & you hear Ya Allah! I know you know what is in my heart You know me better then myself Please help me! I can not bear your punishments I can not see you angry at me I want to come back, I am back I know these feelings that I still have in my heart are stronger But I want to break through it I want to leave all that behind me & never want to come back to it I want to be stronger, but I can not do it alone Ya Allah! I know if you help me nothing will be hard for me Ya Allah! I thank you letting me realize I have to stop doing what I was doing The only thing I wish is that it was sooner! Please Ya Allah! Help me or I will be lost forever All praise are for you my Allah & I know you have read my heart Now please help me to focus on what I must. & I pray that may Almighty Allah help you & me to walk on the straight path & always keep in mind we are not alone HE is always watching us. When we know SOMBODY is watching us we will not do bad & let’s say like this “SOME ONE” are watching us. Allah is watching & only HE will question us. And only "we" will be ask about only about” our won selves". So as the Quran says: Save yourself & your families from the hell fire?" & Do not worry if at first you do not succeed, keep trying, focus on what good things you intend to do and not on what you have done. You have much more control over the future than the past. & keep this ayat in mind: If any one does evil or wrongs his own soul but afterwards seeks God's forgiveness, he will find God Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. Wasalamo alwaikum. Peace be on to you all.

All discussions for the Benefit of Islam

The story "Of an aching soul"

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